The Big Damn Job
by NoDrogs
Summary: Cross over: Firefly, DEBS, Leverage Serenity and a satellite crash into Earth-that-was. In order for Mal's crew to get back to their own time, they'll need to steal the satellite from the DEBS... but Nate and his team have also after the satellite.
1. Prologue

The Big Damn Job

Serenity / Leverage / Debs crossover

None of the involved stories were used with permission and are used for nom-commercial fan purposes only.

Author:

Nodrog

Beta-Reader / Editting support:

Love Robin

Prologue:

"Good job," Mal Reynolds, captain of the Firefly class transport Serenity, patted River on the shoulder. The delicate-looking girl was sitting in the piloting seat of the ship. "Just keep her in empty space."

"Aye aye, Captain," said River, staring straight ahead. Her words might have been lightly flippant, but a glance at her face showed it quite serious. "I'll keep her between the navigational buoys."

"Um… that's fine," said Mal. As far as he knew, there were no buoys out here in space. The closest thing to that was around some of the core planets, where a planet could reasonably expect enough traffic to need to keep space ships from colliding into each other. At the rim worlds Serenity visited, it was extremely unlikely that there would ever be enough ships overhead for a collision to be a significant threat. Even if it was, none of the planets and moons could afford that type of infrastructure. However, he had long given up trying to figure out what River meant when she made one of her more nonsensical seaming statements.

He headed back into the body of the ship and up to the galley , to discover Jayne sitting at the table, cleaning one of his many, many guns.

"Hey…," grunted the earthy mercenary, looking up from where he had the gun disassembled. "Ain't you to be leaving someone flying the gorram ship?"

"Someone is flying the ship," Mal said, going over to a cupboard and getting out a cup. "Tha' someone t'be River."

"River?!?" Jayne looked up momentarily alarmed, looking to see if the boss man was making fun at his expense. Seeing the other's steady expression both unnerved and steadied him. He hocked and spat into the barrel he was holding, pushing a bandanna into it. "Huh. I'd rather be no one at the controls t'that slip of crazy."

"Relax," said Mal. "Even be there ain't anyone at the controls, there's nothing out here we could hit."

Just then, the entire ship lurched, a metal clang reverberating through the hull.

"What was that?!?" Jayne demanded.

"I think there's something out here we hit." said Mal. He turned, running back to the control room.

The pilot and co-pilot seats in the Serenity were empty. Mal looked around spotting River curled up in the corner. She was rocking back and forth, her long, slender legs pulled up against her chest. "I broke it… I broke it… ."

Mal slid into the pilot seat, looking at the instruments. "Well Little One, you didn't break m'ship, even if I can't see what it was you ran into… ." The radar screen was still showing that Serenity was in empty space. He looked up through the view window, for the first time since entering the cockpit. "Je shr shuh muh lan dong shi?" (What is all this garbage?)

In what should have been empty space, a rainbow of colored energy was leaping back and forth. Illuminated by the bursts of energy were twelve spheroids, each about twice the diameter of a basketball. Eleven of them were completely black. One was broken up, displaying damaged electronics. Apparently that was what River had run into. Even now, the Firefly was floating toward the curtain of randomly cascading energy, or maybe the curtain was being drawn toward them.

Mal tried to put the Serenity's engines in reverse, but it was too late. The curtain of energy and the ship touched, and then everything went white.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Falling Down and Setting Up

Five hundred years and one week before the prologue...

A black sphere plunged toward Earth. Designed to channel energy on a level which could warp time and space, its unbroken shell not even changing color as it plunged through the atmosphere. It finally crash  
landed on the Salt Flats of Utah, where it laid for barely an hour before it was picked up andtransported to a secure, private facility...

_Five hundred years before the prologue, but five subjective minutes LATER...  
_  
Mal opened his eyes, slowly. "I'm up... Zoe, y'can stop shaking me... ."

"Glad to hear it, sir," Zoe responded. "But I ain't not the one shaking you."

To an outsider she may have sounded calm, but after so many years watching each other's backs Mal was able to pick up on an underlying stress to her voice. His eyes snapped open wide, more spurred on by concern for his crew then for himself.

Mal looked around. He was still sitting in the pilot's seat, strapped in tight. Zoe was in the copilot's seat, similarly strapped in, fighting the controls with both hands. Outside, the view screen showed _Serenity _locked into a collision course with a planet. The entire ship was shaking, as if some giant's infant had seized the ship and  
was using it as a rattle.

_"Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh...," (Holy mother of God and all her wacky nephews)_ Mal swore. "What's going on?"

"Don't rightly know, sir," Zoe gritted. "We hit something 'n' I passed out. When I come to, the ship was already a'shake."

"Pull up!" the captain also clutched the controls pulling the yoke toward him as hard as he could, stating the obvious, 'We're fixin' t'crash!"

"Really, sir? I hadn't noticed." Zoe said, sarcasm heavy in her voice. Mal realized she was already straining at her side of the controls, and had obviously been doing so for some time. She had Serenity's engines running full, being red-lined... every possible erg of thrust being directed at trying to either slow the ship down or to push it away from directly striking the planet.

* * *

"You know, that's the fourth time we've gone out to see TranceFormeders," Janet commented. She was twenty years old, but with her brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and dressed as she was, in frilly white sweater and blue and yellow plaid skirt, it would be easy to mistake her for someone much younger.

"Yeah, maybe next time we'll actually watch some of the movie." Her date, Scud, spared his attention from driving enough to smile. In another few minutes he pulled up in front of the house which Amy shared with two other girls.

"Hey, look! A shooting star!" the girl pointed. "Two of them!" She closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"Ssh, I'm making a wish," Janet said. After a moment, she opened her eyes again.

"So, what did you wish for?" he asked. "Let me guess, a new sweater?"

"No," she giggled. "I wished that you'd kiss me again."

"Oh, if that's all... ." Flashing his roguishly boyish smile, he leaned over with lips puckered.

Grinning as well, Janet leaned into his motion, meeting and eagerly returning the kiss.

* * *

"Ugh. Zhey're kiszing. Right in front of our houze," Dominique frowned at the monitor which was showing the feed of a low-light security camera pointed right at Scud's car.

"That's rich, considering what you and your boy toy _du jour_ get involved in practically every night," commented Max. "I never kizz them on ze mouth," the French-raised Asian girl sniffed primly.

"She's getting out of the car. Better switch to another camera," Max said.

_"Oui,_ right."

* * *

"Looks t'be we're not going to make it, sir!" Zoe swore, glancing at the displays which showed how fast they still were travelling toward the planet surface, the landscape rolling under them all a blur.

"We'll make it," said Mal, with more optimism than confidence, and with more than a dash of denial. He stared at the night-shrouded landscape below, trying to find anything which might improve _Serenity's_ chances by even a fraction. "There! That lake!"

"Sir, how d'you know if it's deep enough?" Zoe asked.

"Well how do you know it ain't?" he retorted. "Head f'r it!"

"Aye sir!" Regardless of whatever her own thoughts were, the black woman obeyed without question, turning the craft for the indicated body of water.

"Deflector?"

Mal glanced at the back of the cockpit. River was sitting in the back corner, her eyes strangely calm, hands and bare feet braced to hold her in place. He turned back, flicking the controls to activate the feeble shielding designed only to protect them against space particulates no larger than peas. _Right, better'n nothing!_ Then, eyes catching the next control over which pivoted the engines on their sturdy mounts, set them to pointing down at the ground. _Now why didn't I think'a that sooner? _

_I wish Wash were here... his crashes being s'much safer than anything I c'n do..._

Still traveling at speeds normally reserved for sky-divers and unsuccessful real-estate investors, _Serenity_ plowed into the lake.

* * *

Janet walked into the house the three girls shared, to discover Dominique and Max at the couch, each holding a handful of cards.

"Got any threes?" Max asked.

"Go, how you say, fist yourself," Dominique said.

"It's 'fish'. Go FISH," said Max with a sigh. She reached to the deck to pick up an additional card.

"I don't believe this!" Janet said. "You two were totally spying on me!"

"No we weren't!" said Max.

"Yes you were," said Janet, accusingly. "The only time you two play cards is when you're just pretending to hide the fact that you were doing something else."

"That eez re-dic-u-lous!" protested Dominique. "We have been zitting heere all night, playing cardz!"

"Oh yeah?" said Janet. She walked over to the monitor Max had been watching and put her hand on top of it it. "How come the monitor is still warm?"

"Congratulations!" the black senior declared, thinking fast, "You just passed a situational awareness test!"

"I did?" Falling for it completely the brunette beamed excitedly, "Really?"

"Really?" Dominique whispered _sotto voce_.

Max quickly elbowed the French girl in the ribs.

_"Oui_, really!" Dominique added hastily. "Weel done!"

"Great!" said Janet, happily. "Awesome!" She impulsively moved over to the couch and bent down, hugging her house mates. "You two are the best, helping me with all this testing."

"Don't mention it," said Max.

"We are alwayz ready to 'elp."

The next morning, a loud alarm sounded through the house.

"Let's go, girls!" Max called, jumping out of bed. She checked the other two's rooms. Dominique had reformed. Since Amy's leaving the team bumped Dominique up to the new second in command, it now seemed like she only found someone sharing the Asian's bed _every other_ morning. This was one of the girl's good mornings; she was alone, so it only took a few seconds for the team leader to get her awake and moving. Janet, being an eager beaver, was already getting dressed.

Satisfied her team was getting ready, Max went back to her room. Changing from the soft shorts and short-sleeved shirt she normally slept in to put on the DEBS uniform of white blouse, blue plaid tie, and matching blue plaid skirt. She took her private weapon, a silver revolver outfitted with a telescopic sight oversized for the weapon, out from under her a quick inspection to double-check the weapon was in working order and loaded, she tucked it in the back of her skirt and hurried downstairs.

A few minutes later found the trio in their car, a modem black convertible VW bug. The casual observer would never suspect it to be outfitted with a number of hidden 'extras'. From habit, Dominique and Janet sat in the back, leaving the front passenger seat -- Amy's seat -- empty. Max drove, and within minutes they were in front of the DEBS Academy diner.

Mr. Phipps, their academic adviser, was waiting at the central table.

"Good morning!" said Janet, as she slid in next to the giant black man.

_"Bonjour,_ Mr. P!"

"Hi, Mr. P," said Max as she and Dominique took their own seats.

"How many times have I asked you to not call me that?" he rumbled rhetorically, ignoring further comments as he pulled out a remote control. A hologram of a black sphere appeared above the middle of the table, rotating slowly.

"Girls, you have been chosen for a mission," Mr. Phipps said calmly. "This crash landed into the salt flats of Utah eight days ago. It was spotted by visual examination and by atmospheric disturbance scanners."

"What eez eet? Zome zort of zpy zattelite?"

"There's no obvious sensor or communication arrays," said Max, studying the smooth, featureless orb. "Also, no markings."

"What it is, is unknown." said Mr. Phipps. "We have no idea what its intended purpose was, or who made it."

"Is this from before it crash landed?" asked Janet.

"No, _after_ the impact," said Mr. Phipps.

"Wow, it's not damaged or anything," Janet said with awe.

"Correct," the man confimed. "Also, this had no radar return; our radar didn't pick it up at all. No known agency, US or foreign, has anything similar to this. We're worried this may be some sort of new spy device or weapon."

"You mean like The Moon is a Harsh Mistress?" said Janet. "Fired by catapult?"

She became aware that the other three people were staring at her. "Scud has me reading science fiction," she explained.

"So, we need to drive out to the salt flats and pick this up?" asked Max.

"Unfortunately, it's more complicated than that." He clicked the remote, causing the holographic image to change to the rotating bust of a man with salt and pepper hair and a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. "This is Dr. Spindle. He is the head of a team of scientists who are doing a private project examining asteroids with  
the express purpose of trying to find signs of alien origin. They found the 'asteroid' and have it under examination in their laboratory facility."

"How did you find out about this so fast?" asked Janet, curious.

"We have been monitoring this group for some time," said Mr. Phipps. "Mainly in case they did discover something that was of top secret origin."

"Like from a US spy satellite or plane," offered Max.

"Or from a UFO like the ones at Area 51!" the junior-most agent added.

"I am not authorized to comment on that," said Mr. Phipps. "If the US government acts officially in this matter, it could set off a chain of conspiracy theorists and attract publicity. Rather than risk that, theDEBS organization has been tasked with covertly getting the object back."

"Jou mean stealing eet," Dominique interpreted.

"That's one way of looking at it," the big man admitted.

"Wow, it's too bad Amy and Lucy Diamond aren't here," said Janet. "What with stealing and all, this would be right up Lucy's alley."

"We can handle this without Amy," declared Max. "Don't worry, Mr. P. We'll take this assignment."

"Excellent." He turned off the hologram generator and placed a thick folder on the table. "This contains the address and blueprints of the group's lab facility. I also took the liberty of getting the homework assignments for you girls' next week of classes, so that you'll be able to keep up with your coursework while on this mission. Good luck."

Before the girls could say anything else, Mr. Phipps vanished in a flash of light.

"Too bad we cannot uze a transpor-ter like heem," Dominique grumbled wistfully.

"You know that DEBS restricts use to that technology to only command staff," Max admonished picking up the folder. "Besides, it only works on DEBS grounds." She was a little apprehensive about the team's first  
big mission with Amy on her 'extended undercover mission', but she hid it behind a facade of calm confidence. "Let's take this back to the house and get busy planning."


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Waking up is hard to do...

"Mal? Captain?"

Malcolm Reynolds, captain of the Firefly-class ship _Serenity_, cautiously opened his eyes to a bright light. He winced in pain.

"Normal pupil response," announced Simon, turning off the micro-light he had been shining in Mal's eyes. "Do you know where we are?"

"Up _go-se_ creek without a paddle?" Mal said, sitting up cautiously. "Wha' happen?"

"We went down the rabbit hole and then we crashed and you hit your head," River said in her semi-distracted manner. "Did it hurt?" she asked, curious.

"Yes it did, Little One, but fortunate enough I was passed out for most of it," he answered. Looking around, and saw he was still in the cockpit. Zoe was still in the copilot seat fiddling with the radio controls, and River was standing by the door. "Where d'you reckon we are?"

"Someplace without a Cortex network," said Zoe. "I'm picking up local electromagnetic signals, but nothing past from deep space."

"Could be somethin' in the atmosphere blocking it," said Mal, trying to think clearly despite the pain in his head. There was a hiss as Simon sprayed something cold on the goose-egg on Mal's forehead. "Can

y'pull anything out of the signals?"

"Working on it," said Zoe. "Weird for a planet t'have this much electronic noise but no Cortex."

"Jus' keep at it," said Mal. "Where's Kaylee?"

"She's in the engine room," Simon offered, packing up his medical bag. "Inara is helping her. Jayne's out looking around."

Mal glanced out of the front view window. _Serenity_ was near the shore of the lake, partially submerged. "How bad is the damage?"

"According to Kaylee, not too bad," said Simon. "You know, considering we crashed. She said she could get us flying in a couple of days..."

"That's great," said Mal.

"...as long as you don't try taking her out of atmosphere," continued Simon. "Apparently, _Serenity_ is going to leak air like a sieve if you take her into space. Kaylee wasn't sure how long it would take for her to patch all that up."

"We been worse," Mal grimaced.

* * *

By the time Mal had climbed down to the main hold of the ship, Jayne had come back, lugging a black sphere in his arms, unconcerned about the mud and lake water he was dripping on the ship's floor. "Hey, Cap, I think I found whut y'hit." said Jayne. "Looks liken it followed us down."

"Whut _I_ hit?" said Mal defensively. _"River_ was the one flying the ship." He took a look at the unit, a black ball with large crack marks from where _Serenity_ and it had kissed. The cracks were wide enough to reveal electronics inside the unit. "What is it?"

_"Guay_ (hell) if I know, Cap," said Jayne. "Y'reckon it'll be worth somethin'?"

"Did you see anyone out there?" Mal asked.

"Naw, jes' more trees and swamp muck," said Jayne.

"Well, good," said Mal. "Looks like we're off the beaten path, and 'til we can get up off this rock I'd take it a kindness we don't disturb no one, and no one be disturbing us. Jayne, go back out and see iffen there's anythin' you can do t'make us a mite less noticeable."

"Aw, Cap... it's dark out there!" complained Jayne. "And I just brought this back."

"I can see that," said Mal. "But if you want some company, I don't reckon the doc's doin' anything."

Grumbling under his breath, Jayne turned and headed back outside, leaving the orb laying on the deck.

"What should I do?" asked Simon.

"Jus' keep an eye on him," said Mal. "Strange planet, another set of eyes might be useful. Nothing else, if something does show up, you c'n let the rest of us know when it tries to eat Jayne."

"Should I wait until after it's done eating?" said Simon, a half smile on his face, following Jayne out.

"Huh. Don' tha' beat all. Sex life's given him a mild sense'a humor," Mal turned to go to the engine room, but stopped when he heard Simon exclaim:

_"Wuh de tyen ah..."_ (Dear God in heaven)

Exiting the ship, Mal found Simon had stopped on the lake shore and was staring up at the night sky. Curious, Mal walked beside him and craned his head up. There were plenty of stars and a large moon, but nothing he would call familiar. On the other hand, after landing on as many terraformed planets and moons as he had, he was unsure he would have even recognized the stars from his own birth planet. "What's wrong?" asked Mal. "Y'seen plenty of unfamiliar starscapes, I'm sure."

"Oh, not like this one," said Simon, staring up in shock. "This one I _have_ seen... at least in a book."

"'Nd what book might that be?" asked Mal, curious.

"Ancient astronomy." Simon turned to look at Mal. "This is going to sound crazy but... I think this is Earth. Earth-That-Was."

Mal stared in shock, _"Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh."_ (Holy mother of God and all her wacky nephews)

* * *

Several minutes later, the entire ship's complement were gathered around the dining table, the black orb Jayne had brought in set on the table.

"I went out and looked for myself," said Inara. "The doctor is right; the stars match what the night sky of Earth should look like."

"You read up on ancient 'stronomy too?" asked Mal.

"Astrology, actually," Inara corrected. "Part of my Companion training. Some of the wealthy on the Core Worlds still believe in it."

"Anyone know then what this be?" asked Jayne, pointing at the orb.

Kaylee had her face pressed close to it, peering into the cracks. "Shiny! Solid state mono-circuits... Prolly a hundred years old, but they're still expensive to make even nowadays."

"Really? Think we c'n sell it? How much y'think we c'n git f'r it?" Jayne asked greedily.

"Based on what you described seeing before passing out...," said Inara. "I think it's a Transgate device."

"Could you be explaining wha' that is for those of us wha' be without a Companion's education?" Mal asked.

"I can," Simon interjected. "Transgate technology is what allowed the people of Earth to get terraforming and scout ships to our system, while the colonization vessels were en-route."

"Which still doesn't be telling me what it _is,"_ said Mal.

"Transgates allowed drone ships to travel at super-luminal speeds."

"Supper liminal?" said Jayne. "You mean like tha' commercial wha' set off y'sister?"

"No, that was _subliminal,_" said Simon. _"Super-luminal_ means faster than light."

"I thought nothin' could be moved that fast," said Mal.

"Einstein's laws of relativity," River spoke up. "To make an object with mass to travel at the speed of light would require infinite energy."

"So, this thing puts out infinite energy?" said Jayne, eyes widening. "I reckon that's worth to be a lot of creds."

"No. Transgates fold space," said Simon. "I don't really understand the five-dimensional mathematics but the gate can redefine the speed an object is traveling at... so it can make an object go from normal speed to faster than light speed, and then later back to normal speed."

"Why's it need to do that?" asked Jayne. "Couldn't it just slow down by itself?"

"No... for a faster than light object to slow down under the speed of light would again take infinite energy," said Simon.

"So how come we don't use these tranced gates now?" asked Jayne. "T'would be powerfully handy, being able t'go that fast."

"Because the acceleration stresses would turn anyone on such a ship into strawberry jelly," said Simon. Even with drone ships specifically designed for the stresses of Trans Gate travel, there was over a fifty percent failure rate."

"Lest it slipped m'notice, we ain't particularly jelly like," said Mal.

"We broke it," said River. "It sent us back but the hole went round and round and we wound up when we weren't supposed t'be."

"I think you meant _where_ we weren't," said Inara, gently.

"No, I'm pretty sure she meant _when,"_ interjected Zoe. "If this were t'be the Earth-what-was of our time, it'd be a toxic hell, a used up world. I did finally manage to decode some of the radio signals out there, and it sounds like we're about..."

"2010 AD." said River. "Assuming a constant speed down the Trans Gate and a 13.729 degree offset along the fourth dimensional travel axis, based on the gravitational forces we sustained."

"That's right," said Zoe, surprised.

"My sister _does_ understand five dimensional math," said Simon. "Or, at least, she did before the Alliance started tinkering with her brain."

"So, how c'n we be gettin' back?" asked Mal.

"Reciprocal course," said River, "will require a two-phase transgate positioned at the point of arrival with first transgate element tuned to 1.3928219..."

"Got it," said Mal, interrupting River's string of numbers. "Kaylee? Can you make one of these Transgate things?"

"No, captain, " said Kaylee. "But I can modify the one we've got."

"NO! Two elements!" said River. "Has to be two elements. Two to balance, two for tea, two for six ate... who do we appreciate!"

Mal sighed. _"Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng_...(frog-humping sonofabitch) Where d'you expectin' us t'be gettin' a'holda second one of these  
things?"

"It's possible another one come through with us, sir," said Zoe. "If one got sucked in with us, why not two or three?"

"Way our luck runs?" Mal shook his head. "Even if it did, how you 'spect us be about findin' it?"

"Well, Skipper," said Kaylee. "I might be about figuring how t'track more of these things, once I get this one open. If they worked in a group they has t'have a means of communicatin' betwixt themselves"

"Do that," said Mal. "Kaylee, jus' tell us what it is y'll be needing, so we can be getting back fast as possible."

"Wha's the rush?" asked Jayne. "I'd think being in the past would be great. You'd have the jump on everyone"

"We can't risk changing things," said Zoe. "It's the time traveler paradox; what happens if you shoot your own grandmother?"

"I ain't going near my grandma!" said Jayne violently. "She's one ornery and mean ol' lady."

"No one's shooting anyone," said Mal. "We just want to get home. _Dong-luh-mah?"_ (Are we clear here)

He looked around, waiting until everyone had nodded.

"Ok, Kaylee, where d'we start?"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Who ya going to call?

"Are you zure about zis?" asked Dominique, lighting up a cigarette.

"Hey! No smoking in the Skud van!" yelled the driver. Skud and the three DEBS were in the back of his black panel van, parked near the Applex Extraterrestrial Impact Objects Unit (AEIOU) facility.

"Janet trusts him," said Max.

_"Oui,_ but do_ you?"_ asked Dominique.

"Janet trusts him," repeated Max. "And seeing how she is the one running the biggest risk of getting caught, it's her decision."

"Excuse me, I'm right here!' said Scud. He pointed at the cigarette in Dominique's hand. "That! Out!"

With a martyred sigh, Dominique extinguished the smoke against the bottom of he shoe.

Scud turned to the computer set up he had in the back of the van. Several screens were set up. "I've gotten all the information I can on AEIOU, but I still wish we had more time."

"We don't," said Max. "Right now, Dr. Applex's team is keeping this secret until they know more about the satellite. However we can't rely on them keeping it quiet for long. Com check, girls."

Janet and Dominique turned, facing away. Dominique hummed the opening bars of _Frère Jacques_ while Janet recited the ABCs.

"Ok, you're both coming in clear," Max said. "Janet, go in first and let us know when you're in position."

Janet nodded, pulling a ski mask over her head. The mask, sweater, and pants she was wearing were decorated in a black and gray version of the normal DEBS plaid, designed to help conceal her in shadows. She slipped out the side door of the van and began climbing up a drain pipe on the side of the AEIOU building.

Skud's eyes were glued to the monitor showing the location of her com signal, nervous about his girlfriend. He thought he had gotten used to this when working with Lucy 'in the sky with' Diamond, but he discovered his concern over his girlfriend was completely different than when he only had to be concerned about his best friend breaking into a building.

"She'll be fine," said Max, focusing on Scud's concerns so she could try to ignore her own worries.

"I'm in position," Janet whispered, crouched on the roof of the building.

"Ok, Dominique. Show time," Max said.

The French Asian stepped out of the van. Like Janet's outfit, her outfit was primarily black. However, while Janet's covered most of her body, Dominique was wearing a black miniskirt and a low-cut top which  
left most of her completely exposed. Her high heels clicked as she sashayed around the front of the AEIOU building to knock loudly on the front door.

After a few minutes, a security guard came over to investigate. He eyed the beauty up and down. "Hello?"

_"Bon jour,"_ Dominique said, emphasizing her French Accent, laying it on thick. _"Pardon moi, _ees zis where ze party iz at?"

"Uh, ma'am...," said the guard, startled. "There's no party here."

"Are yu zure?" asked Dominique. "Yu look like yu could be ze life of ze party"

"No ma'am... I mean yes ma'am, I'm sure there's no party here," the young man assured.

"But I waz zure theez waz ze addrezz...," Dominique half turned to start digging through her purse, flaunting her body's curves. It had the desired effect, keeping his eyes on her. She pulled out what appeared to be a cell phone and held it up, checking it. "My zell phone, zhe eez... how yu zay? Dead." Turning, she gave her most flirtatious smile at the guard. "Could I come een pleaze and uze yourz?"

"Um, I'm not supposed to let anyone in..."

"Pleaze?" said Dominique, batting her eyes. "I am zure a beeg, ztrapping man haz nothing to fear from little me, I juzt need to call my girlfriend and zee where ze party eez... zhen later, maybe ze three of us can get together and have a party of our own. _Non?"  
_  
Hormones finally triumphing over duty, the guard hastily unlocked the door and let the exotic beauty inside.

Once escorted into the guard room, Dominique set her supposed cell phone down on the counter, by the alarm monitoring terminal, and gratefully accepted the phone the guard handed her.

The 'cellphone' was actually a compact electromagnetic transceiver unit, created specifically for DEBS agents. A skilled computer hacker could remotely access any unshielded computer system within five feet  
of the phone. Scud, who prided himself on his hacking skills, had finished taking over the security system's main computer by the time Dominique had finished dialing the phone the guard had given her.

"Ok, darling, everything's ready," said Scud, forgetting that Max and Dominique could overhear him on the coms.

While Dominique had been talking to the guard, Janet had set up a simple framework of poles on the roof, with a remote-controlled winch in the middle of the framework. She used a can of quick-setting super-adhesive to glue the end of a rope to the roof, then whipped out her laser pen. Using the laser pen, it only took a few seconds to cut a square section of the roof out. She then used the winch to lift the roof section out of the way.

"I'm going in," Janet whispered into the com. She turned, dangling by her fingertips at the edge of the cut-out, then dropped down to the lab floor.

Inside the guards' control room, one of the uniformed men turned at the sound of Janet's feet hitting the floor. "What was that?"

"Excuse, please...," said Domonique, still holding the phone to her ear. "Do either of yu know where, ah, Sweet Maple Drive is?"

"Oh, sure," said the guard, forgetting about the noise. "It runs east and west, about five blocks south of here."

"Oh, goodie! My friend says party eez at corner of Sweet Maple Drive and  
West Lane."

"That can't be right, those two don't intersect," said the second guard, frowning.

"Hello? Tara?" Domonique into the phone. "Are you zure? About West Lane?" She smiled sweetly at the guards. "I am zorry, zhe can be ze blonde bimbo, _Qui?"  
_  
* * *

The orb was inside a clear plastic case, rigged to an alarm. The case was hooked to what looked like a shop vac crossed with a mutant octopus. Janet took off what looked like a charm bracelet and held it close to the case, feeling the bracelet beginning to vibrate. She moved the bracelet until it stopped vibrating, revealing a side which was not wired to an alarm. Then, once again, the laser pen was used to cut open the case.

* * *

"Ah, eet eez Sweet Maple and Weston," said Dominique.

"Oh, I know where that is," nodded the first guard.

"Ah, _très bon!"_ Dominique exclaimed excitedly. _"Pourriez-vous s'il vous plaît  
dessine-moi une carte?"_ She looked at the guards' blank faces. "Draw a map,  
pleaze?"

"Oh, of course."

* * *

Janet had taken off her sweater, using it as a bag to hold the orb. Under the sweater she had a dark shirt and a climbing harness, with extra straps on the back. Once she had the wrapped orb strapped to her  
back, she took out what appeared to be a flare gun from the harness and fired it up at the dangling cut-out ceiling panel. A rope, the tip treated with a temporary adhesive, fired out of the pistol, affixing to the panel. Janet then began climbing up the rope, knowing that she only had a limited time before the rope would come undone.

* * *

"So, these eez Maple?" Dominique asked, pointing at the map the guards drew for her on a piece of paper.

"No, that's Weston."

"See? I told you that you should have labeled it better."

"Shut up! Anyway, this is Weston, and THAT'S Sweet Maple Drive."

"Ah, so I go down thiz street...."

"No, you're here, and have to go down THIS street...."

* * *

Once Janet was back on the roof, she tied the other end of the climbing rope to the frame and used a third rope to lower the sweater-wrapped orb down to Max and Scud. By the time that was done, the adhesive had dissolved. Then Janet just had to pull the climbing rope out of the building, spray some quick set bonding cement to the edges of the roof panel, and use the winch to lower the panel back down.

* * *

Dominique was worried. If these guys represented the standard for security guards, this country's banks and museums were completely doomed. She was not even halfway done with her A-List of stalling tactics when she heard Max say "Janet's back" on the com.

"Ah, _Merci!"_ said Dominique, gathering up the map. "I am zure I can find ze party now."

"You're welcome," said one guard.

"Call us!" the second added.

Dominique nodded and hurried outside.

As soon as she was out of sight of the building's front, the panel van pulled up beside her. Dominique climbed into the passenger seat, next to Max. "Where are Scud and Janet?"

Before Max could answer, a soft, feminine moan could be heard coming from the back of the van, behind a curtain which separated rear from front.

"Ah, never mind," said Dominique. "Ze exzitement of ze mizzion getz ze juicez flowing."

* * *

"It's ten thirty, time to make your rounds," said Johnson, the first security guard.

"Me? I did the last rounds," said James.

"Yes, but we agreed. You do the even hour rounds, I do the odd hour rounds," insisted Johnson.

"But you didn't do the nine thirty round!"

"Hey, it's not my fault we had to help the hottie. A deal is a deal."

Grumbling, James set off to the check the labs, including Dr. Applex's newest discovery. Thus, he was the first to discover that it was missing.

* * *

To say Dr. Applex was annoyed would be understating the case. He was also agitated, bedeviled, chafed, displeased, exasperated, fired up, galled, harried, irked, and the rest of the alphabet, all the way to vexed and worked up. The description of the girl the guards had helped was maddeningly brief; both had spent more time trying to covertly ogle her chest than they had looking at her face. Further more, the video recordings from the security systems were scrambled; there was no footage of either the girl or of the lab during the time the orb must have been stolen.

"Can't you tell me ANYTHING about this girl?" he demanded.

"She left her cell phone," James offered finally. He pointed at the table, where the unit was still resting.

Dr. Applex, eager for any clue, took out a pair of latex gloves and used them to pick up the device. Sliding the back open, he barely had time to glimpse the DEBS governmental crest before the unit, sensing an unauthorized examination, released a powerful corrosive agent inside its own case.

Within seconds, all Dr. Applex held was a lump of partially dissolved plastic and electronics.


	5. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

_Author's note: Ok, the information at the end I pulled from Wikipedia and D.E.B.S. Pictures from Sony Pictures Entertainment. Where I didn't have the character's last name, I substituted the actress's last name. _

Dr. Applex glanced at the door to the bar, checking the address displayed above the door. This was the address he had been given; having an eidetic memory meant he didn't have to worry he had written the number down wrong. Still, he hadn't expected a bar as a meeting place, even one called 'Archimedes' Place'. With a shrug, he walked into the darkened bar, bumping into a young blonde woman who was walking out of the bar.

He looked around. It was early enough that the bar wasn't crowded. A man with shoulder length brown hair was standing by the wall, waiting for his turn at the pool table as another man took his shot. A young African American man was sitting at a table, working at a laptop while talking into a cellphone headset. The only other man sitting alone was middle aged, with dark brown hair. The middle aged man looked up at Dr. Applex and stood up, walking over to him. "Dr. Applex?"

"Please, call me Isaac." said Dr. Applex. "You must be Nathan Ford."

"Nathan will be fine." said Nate, then turned to the table he had been sitting at. "Please, sit."

Isaac Applex waited until the waitress had come by and taken their orders, a glass of Sprite with lemon for Dr. Applex and a refill on gin and tonic for Mr. Ford, before he started describing his problem.

"This will probably sound like something out of a bad sci-fi movie." said Dr. Applex. "But I assure you it's true. I've devoted the last forty years of my life examining meteorites, searching for signs of either extraterrestrial life or extraterrestrial intelligence. I never expected to find significant results in my lifetime, but I felt the search was important in itself."

Nate nodded. He had Hardison brief him on Dr. Applex, so was well aware of both Dr. Applex and the A.E.I.O.U. "You said expected, past tense. I assume that means you have found something you believe is 'significant'?"

"Correct." said Dr. Applex. He pulled a pen out of his pocket and grabbed a cocktail napkin. "Ten days ago, my team was out in the Bonneville Salt Flats, searching for asteroids. We say an asteroid crashing down and found the object within minutes of impact.". On the napkin he drew a perfect circle, then began shading it in. "We found what we've been calling the artifact; a perfect black sphere. The odds of such an object being a result of naturally occurring forces are literally astronomical."

"I see." said Nate. "However, to be blunt, what does this have to do with us?"

"We transported the artifact to my main laboratory, after it had cooled." said Dr. Applex. "I'm well aware of how the speculative Press would respond to any premature announcement concerning the artifact, so I insisted on absolute secrecy outside of the A.E.I.O.U. The secrecy wasn't enough; two days ago, someone broke into the lab and stole the Artifact."

"And you want us to get it back for you." said Nate. "Do you have any idea who may have taken it?"

"The security guards were distracted by a girl who was carrying some sort of electronic jammer." said Dr. Applex. He took a plastic bag out of an inner coat pocked and laid it down on the table. Inside the bah was a partially melted piece of plastic and circuitry, the remains of the 'cell phone' Dominique had carried. "Before it self desructed, I saw a logo on the inside.". Dr. Applex quickly drew a triangle on the napkin, then wrote the letters 'DEBS' inside the triangle.

"DEBS?" said Nate, reading the letters upside down.

Still waiting with his cue stick in his hands, Eliot Spencer tilted his head so that his mouth was hidden in the shadows. "Did Nate just say DEBS?" he asked, just loud enough for the hidden transceiver in his ear to pick up his words.

"Yup." confirmed Alec Hardison. On his monitor, he had the view from Nate's button cam and was zooming in on the napkin Dr. Applex was writing on. "Triangular logo, DEBS big. He's writing some other words now in the perimeter."

"Discipline, Energy, Beauty, Strength." said Eliot, rattling them off.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" said Alec, surprised.

"I dated a DEBS once." said Eliot.

"His wallet checks out." said Parker, standing outside of the bar. The blonde woman turned to her girlfriend/lover, Sophie Devereaux, and handed the older woman the wallet.

"So, what's a DEB? Besides being short for debutante?" asked Alec, already feeding the term into a search engine.

"They're a paramilitary organization, a sort of combination spy training center and actual spy agency." said Sophie. "You dated one, Eliot?" Her voice made it clear she disapproved.

"She lied about her age." said Eliot, defensively.

"The government sometimes uses them for missions where they need an extra layer of deniability or want to make sure that an agent won't be recognized." said Sophie. "The good news is that they're not directly connected to any other government agency. If they took the satellite two days ago, it's probably still at one of they're facilities."

"Yeah, it'll take awhile before they transfer it to Area 52." said Parker.

Sophie rolled her eyes. Despite her best efforts, she hadn't managed to convince Parker that Alec and Elliot had only been joking about there being a secret government UFO base.

"So, what are we talking about?" asked Alec. "Some sort of Rambo – James Bond hybrids here or something? Because I did NOT sign up to have some government spy shoot me in the back of my head and bury me out in the desert."

"Think college age girls." said Sophie. "Pretty, athletic, smart."

"I hereby rescind my objections to taking this case." said Alec.

"They could still kick your ass." said Eliot. "The DEBS are stone cold killers."

* * *

"Stop that!" Janet said, giggling, as she tried to push Scud away. The stringy haired hacker and the cute brunette girl were sitting next to each other in a booth, Scud nibbling on her neck with one arm around her waist. Across from them, Max and Dominique exchanged glances.

"Excuse me?" said Max. "Do you two mind NOT doing that in front of us?"

"Ever?" asked Dominique, pointedly. "Eet eez embarrassing! What if Miss Petrie was to zhow up and zee you?"

Just then, there was a flesh of light, revealing the head of the D.E.B.S. Organization.

"Miss Petrie!" said Max. "We were just talking about you."

"Girls." Miss Petrie said, then frowned at Scud. "Mr. Scudlemyer."

Scud nodded, ignoring the disaproval in Miss Petrie's voice. After all, it was unlikely that Miss Petrie would approve of the former second-in-command of an international criminal syndicate dating one of her agents. Especially when you considered what hap happened between Scud's friend, Lucy Diamond, and Miss Petrie's former top agent, Amy.

"I just wanted to say good work in getting the orb." said Miss Petrie.

"Thank you, ma'am." said Max. "When should we bring it in?"

"We're being extra-cautious about this." said Miss Petrie. "For now, we want you to keep it where it is at, in your house. No one should expect that, and it should be safe there until the SG program is ready to transfer it."

"The SG program?" asked Janet. "What's that?"

"You're not authorized to know." said Miss Petrie. "Just that it exists and that it has authority over any potential extraterrestrial artifacts."

"We understand." said Max, kicking Janet under the table to make sure the other girl wouldn't ask any more questions.

"Good." said Miss Petrie. "Petrie out.". The woman promptly vanished in another flash of light.

* * *

While Eliot and Alec were talking, Sophie had walked into the bar. Now she sat down next to Dr. Applex, surreptitiously sliding his wallet back into his pocket. "Hello." she said, smiling.

"Isaac, this is Sophie, one of my employees." said Nate, introducing her.

"A pleasure to meet you." said Sophie, as Isaac awkwardly reached out to shake hands with her. "So, I understand you want us to help you find something?"

Several minutes later, the Leverage team was leaving the bar together.

"Why did you have him go over his story again?" Parker asked. "Sophie heard it over the com link the first time."

"Having a person tell something twice is useful." said Nate. "The second time he might remember details he left out the first time."

"Also, by comparing the two accounts, we can tell if he's lying or trying to cover up something." said Sophie. "If the two accounts are different, or too identical, he's lying."

"Alec, get with Sophie and Elliot." ordered Nathan. "Put together everything you three know or can find out about these DEBS. Parker, I want you to find out about the security system at A.E.I.O.U. And how hard is it to crack it. I want to know what we're up against, people."

Lucy Diamond, former super thief, opened her eyes. She was in the houseboat in Barcelona that she was sharing with her lover Amy. She was alone; Amy had left earlier to go to an art class. Lucy turned to glare at the cell phone that had woken her and picked it open, flipping it open. "Hello?"

"Hi, Lucy... "

It took Lucy a minute to recognize the voice. "Carmen? Is that you?"

"Actually, I'm using the name Sophie these days."

"Sophie Devereaux?" said Lucy. "I thought you stopped using that alias after you almost got caught by that IYS Agent."

"Situations change." said Sophie. "Do you have a moment? I need some information."

"Sure." said Lucy. "How are you? We haven't talked since that thing in Sidney... I'd heard you were retired."

"Semi-retired." said Sophie. "I wanted to know what you could tell me about DEBS?"

~Well, judging by Amy, they're great in bed~ though Lucy, but didn't say. "Why are you asking?"

"It seems a group of DEBS may have, ah, confiscated a certain valuable item." said Sophie. "And I'm interested in taking it away. I remembered you had that sign, about the only good deb being a dead deb."

"Oh yeah." said Lucy, a bit guiltily. She had gotten rid of that sign shortly after meeting Amy. "So, what sort of things do you want to know?"

"Well, do you keep track of who the DEBS are?" asked Sophie. She took out a print out Alec had given her, a transcript of what Dr. Applex had said. "I have a description of someone I think is a DEBS agent, and I was wondering if you could identify her for me."

"Well?" Nate asked, looking up as Sophie walked into the main office. The sophisticated woman had a frown on her face.

"I called Lucy, but she was... evasive." said Sophie. "There's something she's not telling me."

"And that would make her different then any of your other old friends?" asked Nate.

Sophie shrugged. "How's Hardison doing?"

Nate shrugged. "So, um... how are you and Parker doing?" he asked.

Sophie smiled. "We're fine, Nate. Despite your paranoia about what relationships can do to a team, everything is fine."

* * *

Parker spun on one foot, the other foot lashing out as hard as she could. Eliot rocked back, letting the pad on his forearm absorb the rest of the blow. The two of them were in a small gym, rigged in the office area that Leverage Associates was currently using.

"So, what's wrong?" asked Eliot.

"Wrong?" Parker asked. She tried the spin kick again, but this time Eliot didn't just block the kick; he grabbed Parker's foot and shoved forward, knocking the blonde thief onto her back.

Parker rolled, managing to get to her feet quickly, but found herself back on the padded floor after Eliot knocked her down with a simple leg sweep. "You're way too distracted." Eliot said.

Parker blew out a breath, exasperated, but didn't immediately try to get back up. "Why's Sophie calling her?"

"Calling Lucy Diamond?" asked Eliot. "For information. You know that."

"Lucy is a LESBIAN." said Parker. "What if they used to... you know."

Eliot blinked for a moment, as he found himself visualizing what the team's ace grifter might have done with the famous... and infamous... Lucy Diamond. "Come on, Parker... even if they... you know... Sophie is going out with you now. You don't have anything to worry about."

"Lucy Diamond pulled off the Mollbink caper. The Mollbink!" said Parker. She held up her fingers, barely a centimeter apart. "She came THIS close to destroying Australia. I've never even come close to threatening a continent."

"Parker, you've got to learn not to be so jealous." Eliot reached down and grabbed Parker's hand, then tugged upward. The blonde woman was heavier then she looked; it was easy to forget that most of Parker's body was hard, compact muscle. "All Sophie wants from her is to learn about the DEBS".

"Now, ready for another round?" he asked. Somewhat surprising, the team's thief was also the team member who could give him the best work out.

"All hail the geek!"

Eliot rolled his eyes as Alec walked into the gym, the African-American man holding his arms up triumphantly.

"Did you find something?" asked Parker. She grabbed a towel and wiped the sweet from her forehead, not noticing the way the sweat caused the white shirt she was wearing to cling to her body, the sports-bra she was wearing underneath visible through the translucent material.

Even after all this time getting used to Parker's lack of body modesty, Alec had to keep himself from looking. "Yeah, but I want to tell this to Nate first."

"Let's go." said Eliot, as he began peeling out of the padding he was wearing. Parker hadn't bothered to put on any, relying on the team's hitter to pull his punches.

A few minutes later the team was in the 'briefing room', with Parker and Sophie sitting next to each other, snuggled together. Nate was sitting at the other end of the couch, while Eliot was sitting in an arm chair off to the side. Alec was in a chair of his own, with a portable keyboard in his lap. All five were facing six large LCD screens, arranged to form one linked video display.

Alec Hardison typed on the keyboard, causing a series of screens to flash by. "The DEBS system is tight. I still haven't cracked their deepest security, by I have got in to their administration files. Based on the description from the Dr. Applex, I think this is our girl."

On the screen appeared a picture of a girl wearing a black sweater, black May Janes shoes, and a blue and white plaid skirt. Text appeared next to her. "Dominique Aoki." said Hardison, reading from the screen. "French Asian, age 20. Special Skills: Seduction, Infiltration, Linguistics. Preferred weapon: Uzi. Favorite Movie: Lost In Translation. Favorite Song..."

"We can read, Hardison." said Nate, interrupting him. "What else did you get?"

"DEBS work in teams of four." said Hardison. "Her team leader..." he typed keys as the image changed to a strong looking African-American woman, wearing the same skirt but dressed in a white shirt, plaid tie, and boots. "Max Brewer. Age 23. Special Skills: Leadership, explosives, and hand-to-hand combat. Preferred weapon: .357 Magnum long-barrel with rifle scope." The image changed to a girl with light brown hair, blouse, Mary-Jjanes, and of course the plaid skirt. "Third member of the team: Janet Ritchie. Age 22. Special Skills: Impromptu weaponry, long range surveillance, electronics. Preferred weapon: Knitting needles?" Hardison blinked, looking at the screen.

"Damn near lost an eye to knitting needles." said Eliot.

"What about the fourth member?" asked Nate.

"Ah. They are currently without a fourth member." said Hardison. "She transferred out... the files on her are sealed."

"So... they're going to need a new member." said Nate.

"The school is also looking for a new teacher." said Hardison.

"Combat? Explosives?" asked Eliot.

"Seduction." said Hardison.

Hardison, Eliot, and Nate all turned to look at Sophie.

"Well, let's go steal a school, then." said Sophie, sensing how this conversation was going to end.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jayne dangled from the back of the Serenity, clutching an antenna mast. "Why do I gotta be the one hangin' out the goran ship?" he demanded, loudly enough so that his voice could be heard through the com, even over the noise of the air rushing past. A cable ran from the antennas, to a computer terminal inside the ship's cargo hold.

"'cause the captain didn't want to waste time weldin' it down since we'd jus' have to unweld it again." said Kalie, paying more attention to the screen then to Jayne. "And if we keep the 'tenna inside the ship, we can't pick up the signals."

"Shee-niou ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng..." Jayne cursed.(cow-sucking frog-humping sonofabitch).

"Just hold it steady." Kaylie said. "Oh! I'm getting a signal!"

Zoe picked up a second com link. "Cap, Kaylie's picking up something, slow it down."

In the control room of the Firefly class transport Serenity, Captain Mal Renolds was sweating. He was having to fly the ship, at night, without any signals from a Cortex Network to help guide him. Worse, since they couldn't be sure what the people of this time could detect, he had shut off all the ship sensors except the mark one eyeball. "Right... slowin' her down." he said. He adjusted the controls, rotating the two side engine pods straight down. A slight imbalance caused the ship to rock, causing Mal to have to struggle to keep the ship from crashing down. "da-shiong bao-jah-shr duh la doo-tze!" (the explosive diarrhea of an elephant)

"Cap'n, the com link is still open. Is something wrong?" asked Zoe.

"No, no, everything is fine." said Mal. "Just thought I saw something."

"Tell the cap'n to hold this..." Jayne's next few words could not be made out over the air rushing past. "...excuse for a ship steady!"

"OK, I've got a definite fix!" said Kaylie. She used a grease pencil to write some numbers down on the computer screen.

"Great, so I can come in now?" asked Jayne.

"No, I need at least one more position to triangulate where the other orb is." said Kaylie.

"Captain, fly us to a new position." Zoe said, ignoring the colorful cursing coming from Jayne's com link.

* * *

Parker looked at the full length mirror, studying her reflection. Before she had started dating Sophie, she had never really thought of herself as attractive. Even now, with all of Sophie's compliments, she still had her moments of doubt. "Do I look OK in this?" she asked.

"Girl, if you were any hotter, I'd need to use a fire extinguisher." said Hardison. The team's hacker was also the team's supplier of costume, and he'd outdone himself this time.

Copying the DEBS uniform was muich more of a challenge then it seemed; what appeared to be a uniform plaid pattern was actually an advanced form of a barcode. Slight differences in the width of the plaid stripes formed a code that told optical sensors what areas the wearer had access to. Someone not wearing the specialized plaid pattern and entering a secured area would quickly set off alarms.

Thanks to some online information Hardison found, originally posted by a hacker named 'Scud', Hardison had managed to create a blue and white plaid miniskirt that should allow Parker into any area that a DEBS student could go.

The skirt reached to just above Parker's knees, revealing the knee-high white socks and shiny black Mary Jane shoes she was wearing on her feet. Above the waist, she was wearing a white blouse. The bottom half of the blouse was unbuttoned, showing off Parker's well toned abs and belly button. Parker's blond hair, normally worn loose or in a pony tail, was now in two pig tails, held in place with two pieces of blue yarn.

"Trust me, Parker, you look gorgeous." said Sophie. "We get to keep these outfits, right Hardison?"

Sophie was dressed in a black business suit, that was cut just a little too tight for conservative business. She was also wearing a pair of black stiletto heels, which made her temporarily taller then Parker, and a pair of zero-prescription glasses. The jacket was worn open, drawing attention to the pearl white blouse she had on underneath. The blouse was worn just unbuttoned enough to expose a peek at the black lace bra she wore underneath. The wooden yardstick she was holding completed the image of a sexy dominatrix teacher.

"Right." said Hardison. "Especially if I get to watch what you two do in them." He held up his hands defensively as Sophie glared at him. "Joking! I'm just joking."

"Why would you want to watch us wear these outfits?" asked Parker, not really understanding.

"I'll explain later." said Sophie.

"OK, the airplane reservations have been made." said Hardison. "Parker, your first plane takes off at nine am, then you catch a second flight at eleven. The rest of us leaves at seven AM."

"Why can't we travel together?" Parker asked, pouting.

"If you and Sophie arrive together, they might get suspicious." said Nate, walking into the part of the office the three were standing in. "Remember, you two will need to pretend to not know each other. That means NO SEX."

"But I like the sex!" said Parker. "Couldn't I just sneak out and meet her?"

"No." said Nate.

"Well, in that case..." said Sophie. "We'll just have to make tonight special, since it's going to have to last us for a while." Sophie used the wooden yardstick to lightly smack Parker on the rump. "Come on, it's time to show Ms. Peel how you've been doing in sex ed."

Alex and Nate watched as the two women left. "I'm going to be in my bunk." Hardison said.

"I need a drink." said Nate.

* * *

By the time the sun had risen the next morning, the Serenity was safe in a vacant, wooden lot. Camouflage netting covered it, hopefully hiding the ship from view. According to Kaylie's figures, they were only a kilometer or two away from the source of the signal. She and Jayne were busy disassembling the antenna, since it would hopefully not be needed again. Meanwhile, Mal, Zoe, Simon, River, and Inara set off to take a closer look at where the satellite they needed was being kept.

Now, the group were watching the DEBS academy from the edge of the woods, watching as people arrived.

"Looks like some sort of military training complex." Zoe said, staring through a pair of binoculars.

"It's a SCHOOL." said Inara, looking through what appeared to be a pair of opera glasses but which had many of the same features of the electronic binoculars Zoe was using.

"Whatever it is, it's got what we're looking for." Mal said.

"Something hidden, hiding, in the bubbles." said River, in a sing song voice. "Testing, testing, toils and troubles..."

"Simon, keep her quiet" said Mal. "Now how are we going to get in to find what we need?"

"I can do that!" said River. Before anyone could stop her, River was rushing to the school.

"River, come back!" Simon said, starting to chase her. Before he could get more then a few feet, Mal tackled him, knocking the doctor to the ground.

"Hold on there." said Mal. "You know you can't catch her no-how, no sense the both of you getting in trouble."

River by this time had reached the entrance to the school.

"May I help you?" asked a bored, matronly woman dressed in a guard uniform.

"I'm looking for Miss Peachtree." River said, her psychic gift allowing her to pluck the name from the woman's mind.

"She's in the main office." said the guard. "Wait a moment, I'll call someone to escort you to the office."

"She's going in." reported Zoe, watching through the binoculars.

"Hi!" said River.

Miss Peachtree looked up at a waifish looking girl with brown hair, dressed in a red dress. "Yes, may I help you?" Miss Peachtree asked, in a cold voice.

"I'm new here." said River.

"Oh! The new student." said Miss Peachtree. "We didn't expect you until later today."

"I arrived too soon." said River in agreement.

"There's nothing wrong with being eager to get started." said Miss Peachtree. She turned to the school intercom. "Miss Ritchie, please report to the office."

A few minutes later, Janet Ritchie had arrived, a little out of breath from hurrying. "Yes, Miss Peachtree?"

"This is Joan Steed." said Miss Peachtree. "She's just transferred in, and she'll be joining your house."

"Hi, Joan." said Janet, reaching out a hand. "I'm Janet."

"I'm Joan, I guess." said River, reaching out to take Janet's hand. Once there, she just held her hand limp. "I've been so many people it's hard to keep track. It's very crowded in here."

"Um, OK" said Janet, not sure how to respond.

"Take her to get outfitted." ordered Miss Peachtree. "If she's going to be a Deb, she has to look like one."

"Ooh, shopping!" said Janet, excited. "Come on!". Still holding River by the hand, Janet led River out of the office.

The two almost bumped into a tall, dark haired woman about to step into the office.

"Excuse me..." the woman said, with a heavy french accent, as she side stepped to let them by.

"Sorry." Janet said. "Come on."

River frowned, staring at the woman.

"What is it?" the woman asked, head tilted.

"You're not who you're supposed to be either." River said, then followed as Janet tugged her along.

Sophie blinked in confusion then entered Miss Peachtree's office.

"Miss Peachtree?" Sophie asked. "I'm Doctor Emma Peel."

"Pleased to meet you, Dr. Peel." said Miss Peachtree, reaching out to take Sophie's hand to shake it. "I've heard a lot about you."

"All good, j'espère que." (I hope) Sophie said. Under cover of the handshake, she ran a finger lightly over Miss Peachtree's inner wrist.

"All very good." said Miss Peachtree. "Shall we sit?"

"Of course." said Sophie, sitting down. She crossed one leg over the other, letting her skirt slide up a bit. "It will be a pleasure to work here. I hope we will be working very closely together.". Sopie emphasized the word 'very' slightly, leening forward as she shifted her shoulders back.

* * *

"There's River." said Inara. "She's with another girl."

Worried about his sister, Simon grabbed the binoculars from Zoe. "They're getting into some sort of vehicle."

"It's called a car." said Inara. "One of my clients collected reproductions of them."

"Well, we're going to need one of them if we're going to catch up to them." said Mal."Anyone got some ideas?"

Mal walked toward a black, boxy looking vehicle, his right hand tucked into a pants pocket. Inara was walking beside him, her arm tucked into his left arm. They paused next to the car, as Mal looked around, trying to be nonchalant. Not seeing anyone, he pulled a first shaped rock out of his pocket and used the rock to smash open the passenger side window.

Inara hastily reached in the now open window, popping the lock and pulling the door open. Mal spread his coat over the seat, covering the fragments of glass. Zoe hurried over, with Simon following right behind her. The black skinned woman climbed inside the vehicle, laying down on the front two seets and examining the ignition keyhole. She then slid two metal probes from a hidden pocket and began working.

"Ya sure you know what you're doing?" Mal asked. He had turned so his back was to the vehicle, trying to hide Zoe from sight.

"If what Inara said about hammers is right, I do." said Zoe. "A lock is a lock, after all."

"It's called a Hummer." corrected Inara.

"Got it!" said Zoe. She sat up in the driver's seat and twisted one of the tools she had pressed into the ignition key slot. With a roar, the car's engine came to life.

"That don't sound like no go-se (crap) humming to me!" said Mal.

Inare sat down in the front passenger seat and then the two women swapped places, bodies rubbing against each other as they moved. Mal took a moment to sweep the glass off the passenger seat with his coat, before Zoe sat down on it.

"Mal, you and Simon get in the back." said Inara.

"Right." said Mal, not protesting. He and the crew's doctor climbed in, and the Hummer set off in the direction Janet and River had gone.

* * *

Elliot Spencer hit the brakes, just barely managing to miss getting into a front-end collision with a badly fish-tailing black Hummer.

"Watch where you're going!" he yelled, sticking his head out the rental van's passenger window. The four people in the hummer ignored him, driving off.

In the back, Hardison grabbed on to the partially installed electronic surveillance equipment. "What's going on up front?"

"Probably just some drunk students." said Nate, in the front passenger seat.

"Drunk, this early in the day?" asked Elliot.

Nate shrugged, taking a flask out of a coat pocket. "College kids." he said, then took a quick gulp of whiskey. "They think alcohol can solve all their problems."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Author's note: Alla Mode is based off of Emma Mode, from The Incredibles, Property of Pixar, used without permission, Non commercial purposes only, please don't sue.

"So, where's your luggage?" asked Janet, keeping her eyes on the road as she drove Max's beloved VW Bug.

"It was left on the ship," said River, speaking all too honestly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" said Janet. "I'm always forgetting things too... don't worry, we'll get you outfitted. I know just where to start."

Janet parked the VW Bug in front of a large building, at the far corner of the campus. "I need to warn you, Miss Mode can seem a little strange."

"It's the ones who aren't strange that are strange to me," said River.

"Um, ok, good point," said Janet. "Are you like, into Zen or something?"

"Something."

"Well, she can be very abrupt," said Janet. "But don't let her scare you. She's a really softie at heart, she just doesn't want people to know that."

Janet led River from the car, toward the building's main entrance.

"Who's there? Who, who, who?" snapped a woman's voice over the intercom.

"It's me, Janet... I have a new student here."

"Joan Steed? She's too early." said the woman's voice. "Still, I suppose that's better than too late. Come in, come in."

The door slid open. Smiling encouragingly, Janet led River into the building. Janet failed to notice the black Hummer which pulled up, just as the doors closed shut.

X X X X X

"Well, what do we do now?" asked Zoe.

"River obviously got them thinkin' she belongs here," said Mal. "Don't ask me how."

"What happens when they realize River isn't who they think she is?" asked Simon. Concern for his sister was clear in his voice, even though River had proved herself the most physically dangerous of the entire _Serenity_ crew.

"We need to split up," Mal decided. "Buildin's big 'nuff they might come out 'nother door. Simon, you stay here. Zoe, check 'round that way, I'll go the other. Inara, you stay with the car case we need to be headin' out fast."

X X X X

"Come in, come in." Alla Mode turned out to be a short, dumpy woman with long black hair. She had on a pair of rectangular glasses which made her large eyes look even bigger. She took River and Janet inside

to a large workroom.

River looked down at her, curiously.

"Now, just stand there," Alla ordered. She pulled out a short step ladder and a cloth measuring tape and began measuring the new girl, using the step stool to reach.

A few minutes later, Alla stepped back and walked over to a computer terminal. From memory, she typed in the measurements she had just taken.

"How long will it take?" asked Janet.

"Well, we can't have her walking around in THAT," sniffed Alla. "She looks like she's been riding around in a cow train."

A panel in the wall slid down, revealing a complex set of automated equipment. As River watched, the machines leapt into action. Cloth was hastily cut apart and then moved to be sewn together.

"I should have a walking around outfit for her in ten minutes," said Alla. "I'll have her full set ready by tonight."

"Tonight?" said River, impressed. As the daughter of a wealthy family, her clothing had often taken weeks of tailoring and fitting sessions to be made. Even longer out on the fringe where they were laboriously made by hand, often representing months of hard word.

"One cannot rush genius," Alla sniffed, misinterpreting River's statement. "One must assure the proper fit, even when the wearer is carrying firearms... find ways to camouflage bullet proof vests... to allow the wearer to move freely while remaining fully clothed... ."

"While we're here...," Janet said, in a wheedling voice.

"No knits!" snapped Alla. She started into a tirade about the snagability of the fabric which River could barely follow. Janet, from long experience, just nodded along in resignation.

River shrugged and pulled off her dress. Alla was so caught up in that she did not notice. Janet looked a little startled but said nothing. By the time Alla had finished her diatribe, River was fully dressed and had even hung her old dress up on the hanger.

"Come on, Joan," Janet said. "While we're waiting for the outfit, we can pick out some accessories.

Janet led River into a large room. Metal racks stretched from side to side, carrying a wide variety of weapons and ammunition.

"Do you seen anything you like?"

River stepped forward, pressing her fingers lightly against one rack as she stared at the weapons in it, unknowingly processing information from residual psychic imprints from the various items.

"A Thunder .50 BMG; never officially put into production to avoid the ammunition being regulated under stricter handgun laws, modified from single-shot breech-loading to hand-rotated revolving five-shell cylinder...," said River, dreamily.

"That's right," said Janet. "The recoil might be..."

Picking up another, "10.9 millimeter operated mechanism to use more powerful cartridges," She slid the magazine out of the grip, weighing it in one hand before sliding it back in. "Eight rounds, .44 caliber."

"That's right." said Janet. "You really know your Desert Eagle..."

"Not really," said River setting the pistol down, going over to another case, her eyes wide. "Melee weapons!" she said, like a little child might say _'Free candy!'._ The case offered a wide range of collapsible batons, knives, and other hand-held, non-chemical weapons.

"Double-edged combat knife, synthetic diamond edge front, 340 grams, 20.5 centimeter long, weighted handle," she recited, picking up the knife, and for a moment the bladed weapon seemed to blur and dance, spinning about her hand and between her fingers so fast the knife seemed to move under its own volition. "I think it's a half gram heavy on the back end," she noted calmly, as if commenting on the weather.

River took a sheath for the knife, meant to fasten onto a forearm, and strapped it on her left so it could be hidden in a sleeve and still easily drawn with her right hand.

"Ok..." said Janet. "Is there anything else you want?"

"Yes." said River. "...I'll take a .44 magnum AutoMag with eight-round single-column box magazine and adjustable sights... two Desert Eagles, and a pair of .22 caliber Whitney Wolverines," she said, pointing with her right hand while she continued to stare at the knife which now rested against her arm. Despite the fact she was staring intently at her new knife, her finger pointed with unerring accuracy.

"Wow," the other girl breathed, "you sure do know your handguns. Twenty-twos? That's an awfully small cartridge. You sure about them?"

"It is not the quantity of the size, but the quality of the shot, which counts."

"Wow. Again. You sure are into Zen, aren't you."

A few minutes later, River was staring at her reflection in a mirror. A long-sleeved white blouse clung tight to her body, made of smart-fibers that would instantly harden if hit with enough kinetic energy. Over the blouse she wore an open vest, made of the DEBS plaid pattern. The skirt she was wearing reached down to her knees. Instead of the Mary Janes that Janet had suggested, River had found a pair of black boots which reminded her of Kaylie.

"What do you think?" asked Janet.

"I think thoughts," said River. "Just not always mine."

"I mean, what do you think of the outfit," Janet said, already growing used to the girl's soft-spoken ramblings.

"Oh," said River. "It's not as nice as Kylie's. She has this frilly pink dress."

"Well, we'll see about getting you a pink dress too," promised Janet.

X X X

Mal stretched. The building had four entrances, but Mal had found a spot that let him keep two of them in sight, while offering some concealment. Simon was still at the entrance River had gone in, and Zoe was watching the remaining door. "No sign of River or trouble," said Mal, into his comlink.

"All clear here, Cap," said Zoe.

"All clear...," said Simon. "Wait, door's opening."

Simon put down the comlink, as the door opened. He saw River step out and, surprised, stepped forward. After so long on the run, he had not seen River in new, clean clothing in a long while.

"Simon!" said River, smiling.

"Joan? Who is this?" asked Janet.

"This is my brother, Simon," said River. "Simon, this is Janet."

"Pleased to meet you," he said, trying to figure out what to say.

"Are you here to help Joan move in?"

"Yes," said Simon, grasping the lifeline. "Yes, that's why I'm here. So, Ri... Joan, did you tell Janet what happened to your luggage yet?"

"It's in boxes," said River. "I slept in a box and when I woke up I was in the ship and..."

"That's fine," said Simon, quickly, before River said too much. "I...I can see if we can get your luggage back."

"You're a really good brother," said Janet. "Would you like to see where your sister will be staying?"

"Yes," said Simon.

* * *

"Mal, I see them..." said Inara. She slumped down in the seat, trying to stay hidden while keeping them in view. "River, that girl, and Simon is with them."

"Understood," said Mal. "Get ready to go, Zoe and I headin' back. There trouble?"

"Not yet," said Inara.

* * *

Simon climbed into the back of the VW Bug, letting River and Janet take the front. Janet chattered on happily about some of the amenities the school offered. Simon and River just listened, Simon glancing back

occasionally to see the black Hummer, with Inara at the wheel.

Janet suddenly stomped hard on the gas, causing the VW to respond with a surprising roar of power.

"What's wrong?" asked Simon.

"I think we're being followed," said Janet.

Simon activated his com-link, putting it in transmit mode. "Are you sure it's not just someone going the same direction we are?" he asked. "I mean, it's only suspicious if they try to keep up," he emphasized  
'suspicious' slightly, hoping Inara and the rest would get the message. Apparently they did, the black hummer kept going at its original speed and turned at the next intersection.

Janet relaxed. "Sorry about that."

"Why are you so worried about being followed?" asked Simon.

"Oh, it's because we're...," Janet started to say, then stopped as she remembered that the part about DEBS training them to be spies was supposed to be secret. "I'm, ah, all a little keyed up. We had a roommate who had a kind of stalker boyfriend for a bit."

"Oh, ok," said Simon. "What happened to your roommate?"

"Oh, she left to attend art school in Barcelona," said Janet.

"Is that where she's scr...," River started to ask, only to be interrupted by Simon.

"How far is it to your house?" Simon hastily interjected, wanting to make sure River did not say anything to made Janet suspicious of his sister's psychic abilities.

"Just a couple of blocks," said Janet.

"Will it just be you and my sister there?"

"No... we'll have two other roommates, Max and Dominique. Max is sleeping, and Dominique is on duty right now, guarding a... thing," said Janet. "We've been assigned a special group project, so we're doing shifts guarding something," said Janet. Miss Petrie did not want to let anyone else know about the mysterious artifact, so the girls were taking turns, manning - or rather, _womaning_ - the security observation post till the artifact was picked up.

"Well, maybe Joan can pitch in and help with that," said Simon. If the thing proved to be the item they wanted, this was a perfect opportunity.

"I don't know, you'll have to check with Max," said Janet. "She's the head of our little group, she's the one in charge of our project."

* * *

"Well, where do we go now?" asked Inara, after they had turned off the main street. They could still hear and track Simon by the comm-link, but it would be risky to allow themselves being seen again.

"They gotta stop some time," said Mal. "We decide what to do then."

"That's what I love about you, captain," said Zoe. "The way you're always planning ahead."


End file.
